Episode 2 - Secretly Want To Escape Mom Life? How To Have Joy When Motherhood Is Hard
CLICK TO LISTEN - EPISODE 2: THE MOM JOY PODCAST
Hello my sweet mom friends!! Okay, so I just want to dive RIGHT in today, because what we're talking about is something I love so much and is basically the foundation of WHY I decided to call this podcast Mom Joy.
Okay - So here's the thing. We all know it's a fact of life that being a mom means sacrifice and uncomfortable growth. I mean, hi - yes. When your kiddos are testing the limits - testing YOUR limits - each and every day - we are stretched and required to grow.
And I read a question recently asking - "But is there room for JOY? I've been struggling with the idea of growth being only painful and feeling terrible. There has to be some joy in the growth too, right?"
When I read this question - I immediately loved it because I think this is the exact question that most of us moms are asking ourselves, whether we realize it or not. I think on the hardest of days, and in the exhaustion of challenging moments, we wonder - there HAS to be joy in the journey of motherhood, right? So today, I'm here to talk to you about this very thing.
I believe there is SO much joy in motherhood - and that joy is something that can be grown into. I know it because I've personally experienced going from surviving motherhood to learning how to embrace joy, even on my hardest of days. So I want to take some time today to really hone in on what joy is and how to experience more of it.
CLICK TO LISTEN - EPISODE 2: THE MOM JOY PODCAST
What Is Joy?
Okay so, Let's talk about this thing called joy. Because I think a lot of us moms feel glimpses of joy - like when our kids hug us, say they love us, or watching them open gifts on Christmas morning. However, these types of moments I would not actually call joy - as much as I would describe them as happiness - because it's based entirely on the current circumstances. When we watch our kids open Christmas gifts - we feel the FEELING of happiness.
The problem with happiness is that it is MOMENTARY. It's a feeling of excitement that sparks within us, but fizzles out shortly after. And I think that's what can feel frustrating - that these moments of happiness don't linger much longer in our minds and bodies throughout the day. We WANT to feel more often than not that we're ENJOYING motherhood. We try so hard to be the best moms we can be, and when we feel empty of joy most of the time - it can honestly feel kind of defeating and like we're doing it wrong.
So first of all -- I want to be sure to address that being a human and living a human experience means feeling a RANGE of emotions. Our brains and bodies are wired in a way that we feel a variety of feelings throughout the day - and even in a given moment. Also important to note is that feelings are not BAD - they are natural and normal. We feel everything from sadness, to anger and shame.
So, feeling complete blissful happiness 100% of the time throughout the day is not what the goal is here. I mean that would be great, but I'm pretty sure that we won't feel that until Heaven. That being said, I DO believe that we can feel more steady joy in our everyday lives. And I believe that joy can even share space with other emotions like sadness and anger. It's possible to feel joy in difficult times.
So the thing that is really unique about joy is that it goes beyond just being an emotion that we feel. Joy is much more multidimensional that just an emotion. Here are a few quick definitions of joy that I just love. As I read them, I want you to think about what words really stand out to you:
I believe that joy is an attitude of the heart, mind, and soul.
Theopedia describes joy as "a state of mind and an orientation of the heart. It is a settled state of contentment, confidence, and hope."
Rick Warren says, "Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation."
And John Piper describes joy as "a good feeling in the soul, produced by the Holy Spirit, as he causes us to see the beauty of Christ in the word and in the world."
I love all of those definitions because it is not based on my circumstances. I think some of the words that really jumped out to me were "attitude," "settled," "quiet confidence," "contentment," "in the soul" and "no matter the circumstances."
CLICK TO LISTEN - EPISODE 2: THE MOM JOY PODCAST
How Do I Have Joy?
So, the question is - how in the WORLD do we get to a place of feeling this kind of joy?!
Okay, so here's what I think: I believe that deep, lasting joy is produced by spending time with God. If you are familiar with the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians - Joy is one of the fruits listed. Which means that Joy is something that is produced in us by the Holy Spirit.
Which tells me a few things:
For one, it means that God WANTS to give us the gift of Joy.
It means that Joy is something that is readily available to us.
It means that we don't produce joy on our own - we are empowered to do so by God through His Holy Spirit.
It also means, that just by spending time in relationship with God, we are given this beautiful gift of joy.
Ahh, I love this!
So, in essence, joy is found in God's presence. By daily showing up to be with Him in the ways that we connect with Him most. It could be prayer, reading the Bible, worship music - we all connect with God in our own ways. And when we show up to spend this time with Him, we invite the Holy Spirit to infuse joy into our souls.
When Mom Life is REALLY Painful
Okay, so those are the basics - now I want to dive a little bit deeper and talk about when motherhood or life becomes really painful, or could even be described as suffering.
We all experience different types of pain throughout our journey of motherhood. For some it may mean dealing with really challenging behaviors from our kids. It could be a painful diagnosis, an unexpected loss of a loved one, or serious conflict in your marriage. It could be losing a job you loved and financial stability for your family. It could be moving across the country, knowing no one and having no family nearby to support you. It could be sleeplessness, postpartum anxiety, and an extremely colicky baby. Whatever it is - our journey in motherhood includes seasons of pain and suffering.
If that is you right now, I just want to take a moment to say - I see you. This season is so hard, my sweet friend. I'm sure there are so many things that feel unfair. There may be grief about the way things used to be. And it may be hard to see past your current circumstances and deeply powerful feelings.
And if joy is something you long for and you're not feeling right now - I want to give you hope to cling to. The beautiful news is that the type of Joy we are talking about here today is not based on your ever-changing feelings or circumstances. Many of us DO base our joy on these things, which is why we can feel like we're being tossed around by the waves of the sea. But instead of basing our joy on our circumstances or our feelings - we have been given the option to base our joy on God - who He is and His promises to us.
I'll tell you a few promises that stand out to me are Romans 8:18, which says, "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Which means Joy from the Lord allows us to press on. We are able to look beyond our current pain with the hope and expectation of what beauty is to come.
There's a verse in Hebrews that talks about how Jesus did this for us - enduring suffering with the hope and expectation of us being reunited with God. The verse is Hebrews 12:2, and it says, "We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the JOY awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God's throne."
Another promise that we can cling to in suffering is Romans 8:28 which says, "and we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God." Which means God does not waste anything we experience. He is faithful to produce beautiful things both in us and in those around us, as we trust in Him.
I ran across a blog called TransformingTruth.org which spoke to this idea beautifully and I'll just read this part to you. The author wrote,
"Suffering does not always make sense to the mind but it can always bring depth to the soul. I have learned that when I am entrusted with suffering, i am being invited by God to grow in Him. Few Christ followers are intentional about "going there" with Jesus, but the truth of the matter is that, when we welcome Him to lead us through a time of suffering, we will experience an aspect of joy that is different from anything else that we experience in our relationship with Him. It is a sacred place. It is holy ground. It is the incubator of deep and meaningful joy in our lives."
And when I read that - it just reminded me of the mystery that joy is. Like we talked about earlier - Joy is a gift from God, a fruit of the Spirit. As we are near to God - Joy is produced in us, especially in the most difficult of times when it doesn't make sense. God is so faithful.
What If I CAN’T Feel Joy?
Now, I know for some mamas listening to this - it can feel painful. It can feel painful to hear someone say that joy is found in faith, because if you're not feeling joy, it seems like there's a problem with your faith.
If you're going through an incredibly challenging life circumstance, or struggling with mental health issues like anxiety or depression - it doesn't mean there is a problem with your faith. It doesn't mean your faith isn't working or joy is not available to you.
I believe God has equipped people like counselors and coaches to be His hands and feet to walk alongside you in the hardships of life and the challenges of mental health issues. These are things that can be processed through, walls can be broken down, and with a little bit of support you can begin to feel shimmers of joy in your soul.
That being said - I do want you to know that is what I'm here for. Sometimes we have a hard time pinpointing what exactly is getting the way of us feeling this joy - and I'm here to problem solve that with you. One of my gifts is clarity, and I love helping moms figure out the root of what is blocking their joy. Most often - it comes down to the thoughts that we are thinking. And when we can pinpoint what those thoughts are, we can replace them and begin to see some really big transformation in the way you experience your everyday life.
Another big part of having support in the journey of motherhood is having a community. I know that having relationships play a big role in how we feel as moms, which is why I created our Mom Joy Podcast Community. You can find it on Facebook - and it's a private group filled with like-minded Christian moms who are also on the same journey of being the best mama they can be while ALSO enjoying the journey. You can even build some new relationships in the group by reaching out in a private message to someone to connect with them. If you see someone in the group posts something that interests you or you feel like you could encourage them - take the step to reach out to them! It's just a super easy and convenient way to gather a tribe of more moms around you. So please, make sure you tap into the Facebook group because that is a resource available to you!
CLICK TO LISTEN - EPISODE 2: THE MOM JOY PODCAST
Action Steps
Now, one thing I always want to leave you with here on the podcast is the same thing I do with all of my coaching clients. I always want to give you very tangible action steps that you can apply to your life right away. Because, it's one thing to hear encouragement and new ideas - it's another to actually begin implementing them in your own life. So I'm going to make this really easy for you.
So when it comes to actually doing the work to infuse more joy into your journey of mother, here are the action steps I want to give you.
Action step 1 - I would say is to identify when and how you're going to spend time with God. I know we're all busy moms trying to keep everything running - but think of this time with the Lord as your FUEL for your body and mind to do all that needs to be done - and to do it WELL. Like we talked about today - time with him is where the joy enters in. And if you've grown up in the church or spent time with God before having kids, this is going to mean that your "quiet times" just might look different and fit into the not so quiet times of your day. Obviously - super great, focused, relaxing time to wake up early before the rest of the family and get that time in. If you're anything like me though, getting up before everyone else is just a struggle. So - start small and work your way to new things in your relationship with God. Start by playing worship music during the day. Or by reading a paragraph or chapter of the Bible at a designated time. Keep it small and attainable, and as you begin to do the small things consistently, it will grow your desire to spend more of that time with him. Okay so, Action step 1 is to spend small moments with God.
Second Action step I would say is to get plugged into community. Like I mentioned - we have our facebook group as a wonderful option for you. But that could also look a number of other ways. One of my clients recently just got plugged in to an online virtual mom small group that meets weekly over Zoom. If that's something that interests you, send me a message and I'm happy to get you connected with that kind of community. But, if there is something available to you at your church or in your community that you're aware of - be brave and step into that community! God designed us to be in relationship. It was His idea to wire us to be social beings. So finding community can be a HUGE support to you in your journey.
Okay, action step #3 - I'd say is to Identify who is supporting you in this journey to joy in motherhood. If that means getting 1:1 mentorship from a coach or counselor - take the step to reach out. I know that it may feel like just another thing to do, that you want to put off until a more convenient time in life. But let me tell you from experience, friend. I have spent too much time in my life trying to figure out how to fix myself and my feelings and my life on my own, and the moments I have just taken the 2 minutes to send an email and reach out for help have been the most life changing for me. It opened up a world where I had support and positive guidance in the direction I wanted to be headed. I truly would not be where I am without inviting in mentorship into my life. So - find yourself some support! And obviously, I'm happy to be that for you.
Okay, so. There are your action steps for inviting more joy into your life - no matter your circumstances!
Now, today we really focused in on the spiritual component of having Mom Joy because I believe that is the absolute foundation for having the type of deep, lasting joy we are all looking for. And in the episodes to come, I'm also going to be equipping you with the positive parenting strategies that align with this type of joy. My greatest hope is that you not only LOVE being a mom, but also feel CONFIDENT that you are parenting in way that feels good.
So. What I hope you're walking away with today is knowing that joy IS available to you. By aligning your heart with the Lord and having the support of others, the gift of joy is freely yours. You can have the hardest of hard days and still have joy. It's so good.